


Breath In. Right? Wrong? Right.

by IAmAshamedOfMyFanfics (faraandmera)



Series: The Undramatic Lives Of Fictional Creatures [9]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Breathing issues, But also, Can be read on its own, Comfort, Fantasy, Friendship, and made families, death is mentioned but doesn't happen, everyone helps him calm down, oh boy im am not kind to vampire changkyun, oh yeah vampire changkyun is a thing, sensory overloads, what does happen is not good though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 13:17:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8403136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faraandmera/pseuds/IAmAshamedOfMyFanfics
Summary: You’re not strong enough, Changkyun.He tries not to remember that, but it’s still there. Vampires are supposed to be stronger than this.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr version: iamashamedofmyfanfics.tumblr.com/post/147736815150/breathe-in-right-wrong-right
> 
> originally written in july.   
> now all the tulofc stories that i've done so far are here as well as my tumblr. which they weren't before.
> 
> I am sorry.

_You’re supposed to be strong._

Breathe Changkyun. _Breathe_.

Changkyun breathes in, presses himself against the wall. It hurts; his whole body hurts. _Breathe Changkyun_. Changkyun breathes out, reaches for support. Up and down are unclear in his mind, there’s a plant to his right. Right? Left? Right. _Breathe, Changkyun._

Petals crush in his hand. _Breathe in, Changkyun._ Changkyun breathes, brings his hand to his face. Pressure. It hurts, but he presses his palms against his face. _Breathe out, Changkyun._ Changkyun breathes, petals press into his skin, texture grounds him. Right? Left? There’s talking to his left. _Left_.

“Changkyun?” _Breathe._ Changkyun breathes in, sent of blood floods his senses and his body curls into itself. Blood. _Blood._ He needs blood. _Breathe._ Changkyun breathes out. Voice muffled in his head asks him if he’s okay. Okay? Wrong? _Wrong_. Breaths are shallow. “He needs blood, _now_.”

_You’re supposed to be strong, Changkyun._

It’s cold.

Changkyun wakes to the warmth of the sun and the smell of flowers. It was happening again, he realizes. _Breathe, Changkyun._ Changkyun breathes out, a loud sigh that fills the air. It’s happening again, Changkyun knows. He didn’t need to be _there_ to be like this. Shouldn’t he need to be there to be like this? No, of course not. His powers haven’t changed because he’s not there.

_You’re supposed to be stronger than this._

Changkyun’s parents are pure blooded vampires; so is he. Powerful, strong, _vampire_. Changkyun breathes in, sits up, and pushes himself out of bed. There’s a flower in a vase on his beside table. Left. Changkyun leaves the room, makes his way to the kitchen. No one else is up, _is it too early in the morning?_

There’s blood packs in the fridge. Blood. Changkyun pulls the door open, grabs a pack, and closes the door to the fridge again. Blood. His heart pounds with the need for blood. Changkyun pours the blood into a cup. Normal. It seems more normal that way. More _human_.

Vampire. Changkyun isn’t human. Clutches to the idea of humanity, sips blood and feels his sense wake up. Their neighbor downstairs’ alarm is going off, he can hear the ringing. _Breathe._

Minhyuk is mumbling between breathes in his sleep, in the other room. Kihyun yawns in his room, the creaking sound indicates he’s getting up for the day. Hyungwon is sleeping in the windowsill. Changkyun can see him from the kitchen. Hyunwoo isn’t home. Hoseok’s breathes are even.

Jooheon is dead. _No_. Changkyun glances around. Jooheon is a ghost, has been so long they’ve know each other.

“What happened to not drinking blood here?” Jooheon jokes. Changkyun blinks. _One, two, breathe._

“Was in a hurry.” Changkyun breathes, movements slow. Sense dull. Blood is set aside. “Sorry.”

“It’s not… that big a deal.” Jooheon is dead. Blood. Blood. _Blood_. Changkyun swallows, shakes his head.

“No, it bothers you.”

_You’re supposed to be stronger than this, Changkyun._

“Are you okay?” Okay? Wrong? Okay. Changkyun nods.

“Yeah, why?”

“You seem a little out of it. Are your powers acting up?”

Powers. Strenth. It’s too much. They’re _too much_. Changkyun nods. “A little.”

They’re too much. Hurt, and reach for energy his weak body doesn’t have. Vampire. Human. He’s as weak as a human. _Breathe, Changkyun._

“…A little,” Jooheon repeats. A little. A lot. Changkyuns heart pounds in his head. “Hold on.”

Changkyun watches Jooheon wake Hyungwon up. Right? Wrong? Wrong. Changkyun sighs, brings his hand up to his face. It’s happening again. _Blood. Blood._ Changkyun downs the rest of the blood.

“Changkyun?”

“I’m fine.” Fine? Right? Wrong. Hyungwon doesn’t believe him. Sighs, reaches for Changkyun’s arm but doesn’t grab. “It’s fine.”

Hyungwon grabs his wrist, pulls him into the living room. He makes Changkyun sit on the couch. _Breathe in._ Changkyun breathes in, leans back, his face is too warm. The rest of him too cold. It’s too much. There’s _too much._

Blood pounds through his veins. Hyungwon has none. No blood, no heartbeat. A plant spirit. Hyungwon’s heart doesn’t beat. Jooheon is dead. Hoseok’s heart doesn’t beat, he’s a plant spirit too. Minhyuk’s heart beats quickly as he sleeps. Kihyun’s heart is quiet. Where was Hyunwoo again?

Changkyun’s heart beats with the blood of someone who _should be stronger._ He’s not strong enough. The blood pounds against his heart, too much. _It’s too much._ Changkyun flinches at his own breaths. Something flies. Breaks. Powers. Vampire. Telekinesis. _Stronger_.

_Pure bloods are stronger than this._

Changkyun breathes out, eyes water, it’s too warm. Too cold. “Damn it.”

Changkyun breathes, presses himself against the back of the couch. It hurts, it soft but everything does. _Breathe in_. Changkyun breathes out, curls into himself. Hyungwon moves, slow. Changkyun breathes. There’s a hand over his left. Left? Right? Left. Petals bloom to life in his hand. Changkyun breathes, clutches onto the flower, crushes the petals. Hyungwons’ hand is in his, Hyungwons’ hand blooms flowers against Changkyun’s skin.

“I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Hyungwon says, quiet.

Petals texture grounds him. Changkyun breathes, clutches Hyungwon’s hand. Jooheon says something, muffled in the pounding of Changkyuns head. His voice fades to the left. No, Right? Left? Right.

Hyungwon breathes, Changkyun copies. Hyungwons breaths are steady, rhythmic. Changkyun’s breathes are shallow. Jooheon doesn’t breathe. Kihyun gasps. Minhyuk’s breathes are even. Hyunwoo isn’t home. Hoseok’s breaths get closer.

 _Breath in._ Changkyun breathes, blinks away tears. Changkyun shifts when Hoseok sits next to him. _Breathe out._ Changkyun breathes. Changkyun nods when Hoseok reaches for him. There’s a hand on Changkyun’s faces, vines, petals, flowers. Blooming against his face there’s petals, vines, plants. _Breathe_.

Changkyun reaches up to clutch Hoseok’s wrist. Doesn’t move. _Breathe._ “I’m sorry.”

 _Pure bloods are stronger than this, Changkyun._ You’re weak, Changkyun. You might as well be human, _Changkyun_.

_You’re a waste of your powers._

Changkyun gasps, grip tightens. “I’m sorry.”

It’s happening again. He’s not _there_ anymore. He’s _not_ there anymore. This _shouldn’t_ happen here. Shouldn’t happen _here_. He’s safe. _He’s safe._ He’s safe. His powers aren’t hurting him. He’s fine. _He’s fine_.

Changkyun can’t breathe.

“Breathe.” Hoseok’s words don’t do anything. “Changkyun.”

“Breathe in.” Changkyun breathes in. _When had Kihyun gotten here?_

_1._

_2._

_3._

_4._

_5._

“Breathe out.” Changkyun breathes out.

_5._

_4._

_3._

_2._

_1._

0.

“Again, Changkyun. You can do it.” Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Changkyun _breathes_.

Hyungwon breathes. Hoseok breathes. Kihyun breathes. Jooheon doesn’t have breath. Minhyuk breathes. Hyunwoo isn’t here.

“What’s happening?” Minhyuk breathes. Yawns.

“Changkyun…”

_Breathe._

_Breathe in. Breathe out._ Minhyuk gasps. Breathes. _Breathe in. Breathe out._

“I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything,” Kihyun says.

 _Breathe in._ Changkyun breathes, loosens his grip, lets go. _Breathe out._ Changkyun breathes, reaches vaguely in Minhyuk and Kihyun’s directions. It’s cold.

 _Breathe, Changkyun._ Changkyun pulls them to him. _Breathe Changkyun._ They’re warm. Scents fill his sense. Minhyuk smells like a dog. _Werewolf_. Kihyun smells like fire. _Demon_. Hoseok smells like bark. _Plant spirit._ Hyungwon smells like strawberries. _Plant spirit._ Jooheon doesn’t smell like anything. _Ghost_.

The door clicks, opens. Changkyun breathes. Buries his face in Kihyuns shoulder to whip away his tears. “Must you cry on me?”

“Yes.”

Kihyun laughs. Hyunwoo is back. Hyungwon shifts, his other hand joins the first on Changkyuns arm. Hoseok shifts, presses himself into Changkyuns side. Minhyuk hums, arms find Changkyuns torso.

“Did something happen?” Hyunwoo is back.

 _You’re a waste of your powers, Changkyun._ He doesn’t _want_ them.

Changkyun hums. “I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Minhyuk huffs.

 _Breathe out._ Changkyun lifts his head. _Breath in._ Changkyun finds Hyunwoo’s face.

“Are you okay?” Okay? Wrong? _Okay_.

“Yes.”

 _Breathe._ Changkyun breathes. Hyungwon smells like lilies. Hoseok smells like soil. Kihyun smells like fire. Minhyuk smells like fabric. Jooheon doesn’t smell like anything. Hyunwoo smells like warmth. _Angel_.

 _Breathe._ Changkyun breathes. Body looses tension. He’s okay. This is okay. He’s not _there_ anymore. No one cares if he’s weak.

_You’re supposed to be stronger than this._

Right? Wrong? _Wrong._ Pure bloods are stronger than this. Changkyun doesn’t care. He’s not there anymore. He’s not a pure blood here. _Changkyun_. _You’re supposed to tell them when something is wrong, Changkyun._ Changkyun cares.

“I’m sorry.” Changkyun doesn’t let them argue. “I should have said something.”

“If you’re okay… then it’s fine.” Jooheon sighs.

“You should have. We’re worried,” Minhyuk mumbles.

“Have you been feeding?” Kihyun asks.

“Not enough.” Changkyun shakes his head.

“Make sure you do,” Hoseok adds.

“Do you have enough?” Hyunwon wonders.

“Yeah.”

Changkyun _breathes._

Changkyun is a vampire. Vampire’s are supposed to be stronger than humans. Skin harder to break. Body holds more energy. _Stronger_. Changkyun bleeds when he trips and scrapes his knee as a kid. Skin breaks when he accidentally grabs a paper the wrong way. Body gives up when his powers get out of control.

Changkyun is a pure blooded vampire. He’s supposed to be stronger than other vampires. Supposed to be stronger than a _human._

Changkyun is the son of pure blooded vampires. He’s supposed to be stronger than other pure bloods. Supposed to be stronger than other vampires. Supposed to be stronger than humans.

His teeth hurt the only time he bites someone.

There’s a flower on the table next to his bed. It’s one of Hoseoks’. Changkyun plucked off of Hoseok’s head. There’s a wilted flower from Hyungwons’ shoulder in a drawer. Petals, plants, vines, used to ground him. So he keeps those from the plant spirits.

There’s blood in the fridge. Minhyuk brings more when Changkyun thinks he might have to get more himself. Minhyuk doesn’t say it, but they both know. Changkyun is less than he’s supposed to be. Minhyuk is less than he’s supposed to be. So Changkyun uses his powers to ease Minhyuk’s pain when the full moon passes.

There’s food on the stove. Changkyun doesn’t _need_ to eat human food, but he likes to. It’s more money, more energy. Still, Kihyun lets him- and the others who don’t need to- eat. Other vampires thought eating human food was weird.

There’s paper cups and straws piled up on a counter. Changkyun prefers to drink blood from them. It makes it feel more normal. _Human_. Hyunwoo bought him more when Changkyun ran out.

There’s chips in the paint. In the living room where Jooheons’ name is carved into the living room wall, the paint is missing. Changkyun picks at the paint on the wall in is own room and Jooheon tells him it’s starting to look like a design. Changkyun lets Jooheon tell him which way to start next until it starts to look like one to Changkyun too.

 _You’re supposed to be stronger than this._ Right? Wrong? _Wrong_. Changkyun sighs, pushes himself up from where he lays on the couch. _No._

He’s not there anymore. Not with other vampires.

Jooheon doesn’t care. Hyungwon doesn’t care. Hoseok doesn’t care. Kihyun doesn’t care. Minhyuk doesn’t care. Hyunwoo doesn’t care.

It’s okay. Right? Wrong? Right.

 

Changkyun isn’t even fully paying attention, laying on the couch- legs over the side- as he watches Jooheon attempt to move things. The cup shakes, then falls over onto it’s side. Jooheon sighs again, louder, and Changkyun laughs.

“Wow good job, _A plus_.”

“I was trying to throw it.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Don’t be a jerk.” A glare is thrown at Changkyun, who sets the cup back into it’s original position and sits up. “Just watch, I’ve got this.”

The cup shakes, then goes flying past Changkyun’s head. Changkyun barely moves out of the way and Jooheon cheers. “Well, _you did it._ ”

“Yeah I did!” Jooheon grins, then looks at the cup- not broken because they had the foresight to use a plastic cup- then at Changkyun who smiles in turn. “Wait.”

“What?”

“Changkyun… _Changkyun_ you telekinetic asshole.”

“Alright. What did I do?”

“I didn’t move that you jerk.”

“…You can’t prove that.”

_You’re supposed to be…_

Changkyun is fine. _Breathe in._ Changkyun breathes. _Breathe out._ Changkyun laughs.

**It’s fine.**


End file.
